In Beirut, the warfare is more psychological; they've already cut off the city, trapping everyone while they continue to do fly-bys and break the sound barrier. They've used the city as a staging ground for this red rose message to either Hariri, Saudi Arabia (the embassy is near the tower which is out of use) or perhaps to goad Nasrallah himself as the UN decision grows closer.Selim took some time to joke with the SDC staff yesterday about Israel's recent note to the civilians of Beirut. They've been dropping pamphlets all over the country recently to let people know that they should leave, should not drive large vehicles, etc.
Selim: "It says Hassan – because we all know him, we all know him by his first name – it says he played with fire and now the people of Lebanon are getting burned. Do not support Hizbullah. Shalom!" The staff laugh.
Diana: "But now he is going back on his words." Diana and Goliath independently confirm for me the general opinion of the public - Nasrallah is changing his tune. He couldn't keep the border, he has had to backpeddle; instead of "drive out Israel" he's switched his message to one of death in-country. Still ominous, but a clear sign of defeat.
Diana and I are driving to Sanayeh Park. I believe her to be the Lebanese goddess of winding her (family's) SUV through unsettlingly small openings in the traffic/people until she hits a tow truck.
Me: "It's your family's car? You're family is still here?"
Diana: "Where would we go? We do not have a place in the mountains or villages. We are from Beirut, all of us."
Me: "Are they involved in the relief effort too?"
Diana: "My Father - he asks me why I am doing this. He says this is Hizbullah's doing. They should do what you're doing, he says. I don't believe it's that. I don't believe that this is a question of 2 prisoners. This is a question of political autonomy for Lebanon. They don't like us to have democracy, to have political independence."
Me: "But why? Why wouldn't Israel want to actually have peace with Lebanon?"
Diana: "This is not defense. No, it is economic. Why would they do this to the whole country? Why do all of this?"
We pass one of the few gas stations in the city; I realize that the deadlocked line of cars and trucks leading up to it is the cause of the multi-block traffic. People here are allowed a few liters three times a week and line up hours in advance to get as much as they can before the fuel delivery runs out. Cops and military personnel oversee the delivery of the fuel, screaming at cars to back off and allow a red-cross truck in to fill up. Everyone is suffering.
Diana: "The tourism of Lebanon, the industry here takes from the Israeli network. Arab tourists come here rather than go to the south of France or Spain. I have been, I have studied in France. All of the tourist places are owned by Jews or Americans or people sympathetic to the Israeli network. This is not self defense, this is economic."
SANAYEH PARK
As we pull up to the garden, we're waved to circle the block and find some other place to park by yet another soldier. Inside, there has been a fight; there are military, police and ambulances trying to bring order to the people as we enter.
The second thing we see is the work of another group:
The SDC specializes in fostering Lebanese solidarity in a non-political, non-confessional way. Our goal with kids is to keep them positive, remind them that anything is doable, get them thinking about visions of the future and non-violent solutions to war. Other groups in Lebanon do not share that mission. They've been using this atrocity as a means of solidifying a certain kind of hatred in the kids' minds, having them draw only pictures of what they've lost and what they hate.
Diana (in the park): "But most people here they don't support Hizbullah. 80% hate them but they will never speak out. They are the only armed ones." Another volunteer, a girl of fourteen still in braces touches my shoulder. Diana: "Oh, she is saying that we do not touch the children in the park. It's much dirtier in the park than in the schools. Here, the children…how…what is the word? They have…"(makes little crawling motion on her arm).
They have fleas.
Diana gathers the kids in Sanayeh Park together for the day's activity. It's a young group today, 3-6 year olds mostly. We explain the exercise and do it alongside them. It's simple. On one side of the paper you draw your house after the attack; on the other side you draw your dream of your house in the future or what you're looking forward to doing after the war.
After I finished taking pictures with the kids and showing them to them (my primary way of communicating), I started taking photos of the rest of the park/camp/shelter.
There were three news crews when I got there. One Norwegian, one local and one Iranian woman from the Iranian national press.
IranianReporter (whispering to me as I framed the birdcage): "It's like the Israeli occupation." I lowered the camera and laughed with her. Some of the dark humor lately has been pretty comforting (this video has been playing on various computers in the net cafe for the past few days...) She smiled. She stared at me. "Where are you from?"
"United States - I'm working with -"
"Oh, you support Israel then"
"Actually - ah, I definitely don't 'support' anything here, either side in this. You just have all these people in the middle -"
"You support Israel. You are American. It is the same as Israel." That smile! Just beaming at me...
"No, it's not."
"It is. You are a murderer."
I have this bad habit of walking away from people that I think are frustrating. Then I went back to her.
"Exuse me, would you please take that back?"
"Hmm?" (smile!)
"What you said right now to me, would you please apologize for it?"
"You are American-"
"America is a big place and not all of us want what's happening here for a lot of different reasons. And, whatever the reasons, I'm just here to help this organization work with these kids."
"But you vote for Bush!"
"49% of 300 million did not vote for Bush - that's a lot of people - It was a polarized election and there's a lot more to what's happening in that country -" (we're pretty much a foot apart from each other now - she is smiling while I am gritting my teeth...I am doing a stupid thing.)
"Oh you vote for Kerry – he is the same as Bush! You sell the bombs. You give Israel the bombs"
"Um, I haven't ever built or sold a bomb in my life. Again, I'm here just spending time with these kids."
"You are a murderer, yes? You kill people. You are a murderer." Gah! Smile!
"I think you're pretty crazy and really pretty ill-informed for a reporter. Have a good day." Walk away. Hate walking away. Hate having to shake head and walk away.
I went back to the kids and asked Diana to translate what one of the little girls was talking with her about. Diana: "She says she is going home tomorrow – (leaning in to whisper to me) they tell all the children that. Tomorrow, they tell them."
Diana tells me as I'm leaving that they fight in the park had been caused by a notorious family here that will often attack new families that have recently arrived.
Diana: "The park is different than the schools. They come here and stay here because they like the freedom here. These are the people who do not want to go to the schools. They steal food and blankets. Curfew in the schools is normally 9 or 10 pm. I have a friend helping in the mountains. There, four adults - they came and asked for a woman!"
Me: "Were they joking?"
Diana: "No! They said it was an emergency need. Normally you ask for milk or blankets…The women now, they are asking for…the pill--contraception? An old woman asked for a small private room for her son and his new wife. She said they were newly married and they didn't have the chance to…you know….to practice!
D: "Yesterday we went to the school. There was a pool of waste water. Horrible. Sewer water. I tried to pull the kids out to distract them to do something else. You know what they did? They kicked it at me, the water, with their foot. It was like a game."
Selim told me that story when came back from field work yesterday, too. He immediately announced that as part of the hygiene-in-the-shelter course for kids, we would be buying the children soap. "I don't care, we're buying soap. We will tell them this it is a pet or something that they must keep with them all the time."
Yesterday, I didn't go to the schools; I was busy doing the org's budget for the coming two years of relief programming. Halfway through the afternoon I heard shelling and realized I needed to enter in a new line item: "Emergency Relocation Fund (in case of destroyed office)".
Before leaving the park I stopped to take a picture of an old man's prayer beads.
Old Man: "I am praying although I know we will have a victory soon."
Diana: "Look, when you have children drawing these, I think we already have a victory."
OM: "Look at this - this is not defense. Children? They have no guns to defend themselves. There is a song -'Lebanon is a piece of Heaven'. I believe this, I believe we have God. Where are you from?"
Me (stomach tight): "I'm from the United States...sorry."
OM: "Why are you sorry?"
Me: "I get strong reactions when I say that here."
OM: "Why? We don't' hate Americans here! In Lebanon? No. But if you apologize to me you are saying to me that you have done something wrong to me. If you are that image, if you are that image then we will judge you as that image. The people of Beirut, we do not hate Americans. We hate the policy, yes, but you? You are here! Not you. We like Americans. You must be proud, you are doing good."
Me (to Selim, back at the office): "Selim, can you tell me something? Am I....I hope you understand this...but to you am I ...do I like...you know the MidEast has this perception of 'all Americans'...is that me? Am I that?"
Selim (laughing): "You are losing your nationalism Thomas! You are losing your nationalism!"
Me: "I don't know - I don't know where I am with this - I know that I still love my country but ...seems really far away from where I am...very far away from what I'm doing. I don't know - I LOVE the United States...just frazzled...I don't feel like a United States citizen...I...it's like some of my identity has been worn away by this."
Selim: "This is good. You love your country, this is good to be a patriot. But when you start thinking of yourself as unique, you start to have something to protect, you start to have conflict. I think that you are a patriot yes, but you are not a nationalist. To me. I will make you a certificate if you want. Look, it's good to be part of your country. Look, we had a memorial here; there was a gathering in the city to mourn the dead in the conflict. And nobody went. Here, they do not care. 'This is a Hizbullah problem' or 'this is somebody else's problem.' They do not mourn even the dead of their own country! This is what we must change."
18 comments:
:) I feel kind of stupid saying this, since it seems pretty obvious, but keep up the good work! As a student of politics and anthropology- and most of all: a human being, your stories really strike a chord with me. Especially the nationalism discussion really intruiged me, since it is part of who you are as a person, making it a really personal thing in that sense, but it may signify something completely different in the world 'out there'. I think your friend Selim had a good point in saying you should be proud, but also critical. I think many Americans struggle with this all over the planet, maybe it is a comfort knowing you are not alone in this. (But that seems really obvious, again.) Good luck, and "sterkte" as they say in Dutch, (which means something like good luck + strength, in my best attempt at translating) and all the best all the way from Holland!
Some real cute kids in the photographs. Too bad they turn out looking like someone like me.
;)
What an incredible blog posting. I hope you know that there are still people here in America who are anxious for this to end, and are hoping and praying for your survival. Hang in there, and keep blogging so we know you are ok.
The kids are so beautiful!
-Jen
I know what you meant when you spoke in previous posts of the uneasiness in your stomach- knowing you can't keep doing what you're doing- you have to go back- to do something.
I was in Siberia once, young and walking down the street with some new Russian friends- I looked at a small funny looking chimney and asked, "shto eta?" (what is that?) and my new friends narrowed their eyes and said, "THAT is a bomb shelter- because of YOU." Later, one of the women apologized for thinking of me "as an American." I still don't know how to respond to that. I spent several years roaming and considering myself a bit displaced- by choice.
My point in commenting is this: I am back in the US now- "doing things" here. But I've lost that uneasiness in my stomach, that tight longing to be the change (as cliched as that sounds).
And you reminded me. You brought it back. I'm searching again now, seeing where I should be- what I should be doing. But it's time.
I totally agree with what Liberal Truth wrote.
Stay safe and keep blogging.
As things stand now, I can't think of a more important job than what you seem to be doing. Makes the rest of us look a bit like slackers, but I guess I can handle it if you can.
Thumbs up.
your blog tells me a lot.I'm enjoy reading it.
Thank you for this.
so sad that to find the truth, we must search the web because we sure as hell don't get it in our "news" here. keep up the good work. it's important for the people of the world to know that all americans aren't as our government would have us appear.
it is difficult to distinguish between what about you is "american" and what is just you, and how to get that across to people.
i was born in the united states, but i've spent most of my adult life in ireland and mainland europe. i've given a great deal of thought to my opinion of america, and the identity, "american." the issue is still unresolved for me.
your blog really moved me. although my opinion is just one of many, just another anonymous internet conversation, i feel like you should not worry too much about what somebody says to you regarding your nationality. firstly, your nationality obviously somewhat conditions "who you are," but it isn't the sum total. also, the woman who called you a murderer quite clearly has her mind made up about "americans" already...you know yourself, there's no talking to some people.
keep up the good work, mate.
i was once at an environmental conference, and we were discussing the environmental problems - well US is huge and with huge consumptions etc - quite a part of the problem. and then we had this speaker from US speak up. and he said the same - i am from united states of america, texas - i'm sorry. dont know what to say - people who are actually responsible would have killed their conciousness by now. but it is hard to be not frustrated with america (and consequently americans) there is just no way you can ignore them and go on with your life.
I can only imagine what you are experiencing right now and by reading your posts, the strong will you have will impact those who you encounter and help end this war. And stereotyping must end because not all Americans are Bush fans and not all people from the Middle East are terrorists. Stay safe and g/l!
Perry
Beautiful children, around the world ALL children are...One of the most interesting concepts one will find is that "freedom" in democracy entails our own thought process--we are not fighters, haters, or consumed by one political desire; I enjoy your experiences here, but we Americans are not representative of death.
Karen G.
I like America'democracy,but I donnt like the style of practicing democracy to native people as invading other country or supporting peculiar country who is carrying out savage behaviour.
right now,I recommented this blog to my Amecican friend and he said the Capital of Lebanon is a very pretty place. he is working in China,actually,as a general person,he donnt like Bush and his policy.But we cannt manipunate the politicians.I want to say politicians are rubbish!
I would like to initiate a dialogue with you, on the subject of your posts on the war. It is very interesting to read your writing from the perspective of an American trying to do good in a war-torn world, somewhat confused by the Arab attitude towards America, and confused about the reaons for this war and about Israel, the so-called 'enemy'. The bottom line is that Israel does not want to be the enemy; it was forced to retaliate in self-defense. One cannot form an intelligent opinion about the combatants without understanding the history of that region: The Lebanese government according to the agreement of May 17, 1983 signed by the US, Israel and Lebanon was supposed to control the south and prevent Hezbollah from entrenching themselves, arming and attacking Israel, and this pact was supposed to officially end the state of war between Lebanon and Israel (which I might add that Lebanon had initiated by declaring war on Israel in 1948 at the inception of the new Jewish State). With that agreement,Israel pulled out of Lebanon in 2000. So, what does it get for its compliance and trust? No control by the Lebanese government, Hezbollah re-armed and trained with a vengence and no deterrents, and sporadic rocket attacks and terrorist infiltration into towns along Israel's northern border, specifically targeting and murdering civilians including children. With this last provocative kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers it had no choice but to respond to this act of war. Israel would love nothing better than to have peaceful relations with a sovereign state of Lebanon, and send tourists in to enjoy the beauty of the Lebanese countryside and thus boost the economy of Lebanon as well. This agreement of 1987 failed, because the Muslems considered it 'surrender' and opposed it. They have no interest in cementing good relations with Israel, because they have an irrational hatred of Israel (and also the US, as you discovered in some of your encounters). Israel, to them, is the 'new kid on the block'-despite thousands of years of Jewish history on the land-and as the bullies they are, would like nothing more than to throw Israel into the sea, as they have openly declared countless times.
In your post, you seemed to laugh at the Israelis sending leaflets down to warn the Lebanese of forthcoming attacks? When was the last time the Arabs ever warned the Israelis that they will be attacking? Oh, sorry - couldn't warn them, 'cause they were targeting them-my mistake!
I welcome your comments.
just sending you some strength. And pls know that a lot of people are hoping you will find peace and hapiness soon in your life's
I dont get tired looking at them repeatedly.
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